


Hard Beginnings.

by kinkykozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Ending, It Gets Better, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Sad and Happy, Unrequited Love, hinaken - Freeform, super fluffy, writing hinata being oblivious is my favorite thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14580147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkykozume/pseuds/kinkykozume
Summary: Kenma has a problem, and the problem is love. It's hard. Maybe it isn't the end of the world. It sure felt like it was."This is hopeless. No more beating around the bush. I need to be so direct that I basically bash his skull in with the truth, “No Shoyo, I am talking about how I feel about you.” Everything clicked then, I could almost literally see the light bulb."It's sad at first, but becomes really cute and fluffy. This is my first work for Haikyuu so lemme know how I did. Unrequited KuroKen. Happy fluffy HinaKen.





	1. Ouch

It’s easy, isn’t it? Being in love, idolizing your crush, finding no fault. It’s hard, isn’t it? Unrequited love, keeping your secrets, hating yourself. This is what it’s like being in love with Kuroo Tetsurou. I didn’t think love was really something for me. Not that I couldn’t be in love, I just never imagined it happening. It makes sense that it was with someone I trusted, my best friend no less. I don’t think he ever realized. 

It started in middle school. Kuroo would bug me endlessly. Let’s hang out, let’s practice volleyball, let’s join a team, what are you playing, you should go out more. The endless bickering from him became comfortable after a while. However, the inevitable was approaching. Kuroo would be leaving to start high school. I went to the middle school graduation ceremony for him. That’s when I first realized that he was more important to me than I thought. My last year of middle school was a dark haze. Sure I saw him after school, but he was experiencing things without me, making friends, making connections, maturing. It was hard. 

High school wasn’t a breeze either. I joined the volleyball team to keep Kuroo happy, and to be around him again. I didn’t have the same drive as the other students though. It sparked… conflict. Before I knew it, I was being bullied by the 3rd years. Kuroo was my rock through it. “Just wait for the year to be over, they won’t even be here anymore. Surely you can handle it.” He said. I would, I did. It didn’t exactly help my introvertedness. The second year.. It was nice. Kuroo was captain, and I got along with most of the team now, better than before. I tried to lose myself in my games or practice, ignoring the nagging feelings of love. 

Kuroo was popular. He was attractive and funny, and a bit dorky, but that added to his charm. Surely some girl with long pretty hair and a sweet face would fall in love with him soon. The nights Kuroo spent with me would come to an end. I just knew it. No more laying next to him in bed, no more constant nagging that was a bit heartwarming, no more attention. It really did scare me. How do you tell your best friend that you have always been in love with him? I nagged my brain for an answer. 

It became something that festered at the back of my mind for the year. I knew Kuroo was going to be graduating soon, and the fear of middle school was flooding back. This time, I had distractions. That distraction was named Hinata Shoyo. I met him first when I got lost, and he ended up lost too. Something about a running match with Kageyama Tobio, someone he considered his rival although they were teammates? It was confusing, but Shoyo gushed about it all the time. Anyway, he noticed my volley shoes and ended up exploding with all sorts of questions. It was aggravating, I just wanted to be left alone. I was waiting for Kuroo to find me and save me, like he always did. It was a selfish habit of mine. 

The second time meeting him was at our practice match. Somehow, Shoyo hadn’t noticed my uniform, however I noticed his. I was prepared to see him again, but I wasn’t prepared for this dazzling quick and he and Kageyama had debuted. How.. How did he move so quickly? He jumped so high… He really did fly. Maybe I was a bit more enamoured with him than I first thought. We exchanged numbers after the match, and suddenly Shoyo was always on my mind. How could he not be when he texted me so much? I guess I didn’t mind, I always responded. 

It was a bit of a shift for me, like Shoyo had caused a change. I wanted to get better, I wanted to be a bit stronger, I wanted to win. Against him, and maybe against life too? That might be an exaggeration, but I definitely felt more hopeful than before. When the end of the year came around, and it was time for Kuroo’s graduation, I had to do it. It was now or never, or that’s what it felt like. If I got this off my chest… Maybe I could move on. I didn’t want to hear Kuroo talk about pretty girls and hurt anymore. 

I brought over flowers to his house, flowers my mom had gotten for his graduation, not me. I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle something so bold at a time like this. Flowers were a bit too cheesy for what I had planned to confess. Maybe it wasn't cheesy in the romance sense, but still, I knew that Kuroo didn't like me that way, so there was no point. We sat outside and stared at the night sky, a gentle breeze blew right through me. I hated the cold. Well, I didn’t mind it. I liked to be warm, and the cold let me bundle up, but I forgot my scarf. 

Kuroo noticed, he always had a way of worrying about me. He pulled me close, “You dummy. Forgot your scarf again? What are you going to do without me?” It was a light soft tone, something I was used to. Like a parent scolding their child. I am not a child anymore, stop worrying about me. It only makes it harder.

“Kuro…” I leaned against his shoulder, absorbing his warmth. I didn’t dare look up at him, instead I kept focusing on the grass moving in the breeze. “I really liked you…” I said, almost in a whisper.

Kuroo was quiet. I could tell he was looking at me, but I just couldn’t. Finally I felt him shift, it was like I couldn’t breathe. Say something. Please. My eyes flickered up at him, he was stargazing again. “I know… I noticed a bit. I am sorry Kenma.” 

I felt relieved. It’s over, it’s over and over and over and I never have to worry about it again. Even if he didn’t like me, I know now. And he knows I like him, and he has known, and he didn’t hate me for it. I started to cry a little bit. We sat like that for a bit, until it got really late, and I had stopped crying, and he was growing tired. I rubbed my eyes and shifted away, “It’s late now…”

Kuroo pushed my chin up so I looked at him, “I care about you okay? Just not like that. We’ll still be friends, and I will tell you all about college, and I will try to bug you in the mornings so you get up. Don’t forget about me, okay?” He winked and flicked my nose.

I couldn’t help but smile. Everything is okay. Kuroo will still be my best friend, we’ll still hang out maybe and talk. This isn’t goodbye forever, and actually, it’s a fresh start for me. “Maybe I should just forget about you.” I teased and stood, facing Kuroo straight on, “Good luck, Tetsuro.”

“Good luck, Kozume.”


	2. I'm a 3rd year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It really is a new beginning

Here comes my third year. Kuroo was gone and in college and I was alone again. Not truly alone. I had my teammates. Lev was a friend maybe. He was a little annoying, a bit like Shoyo sometimes. Not necessarily a bad thing, but no one can handle two Shoyo’s at once. That’s too much energy. I would be out of it for days trying to recharge.

Speaking of Shoyo… We began to hang out a lot more. Since I was always used to Kuroo being there, things got pretty lonely. I was so comfortable with someone by my side while I played my games. Kuroo and I spent most days after school and practice together. It was a comfortable silence. I was aching to fill that void, and Shoyo was my other best friend, so why not?

Things got out of hand the first time he stayed the night. I met him at the station and guided him back home. With how airheaded he was, I didn’t trust him to find this place on his own. Even with google maps, Hinata just seems the type to be more than a little dumb. I didn’t mind walking to get him as long as it meant he was safe.

While we walked, Hinata ranted about school and how his grades were suffering, and about how him and Kageyama still weren’t getting along properly. He got called short and dumb ass all day long. It was kind of funny to me. I could picture Shoyo’s reaction. “Why don’t you just say something back?” I asked him.

He looked exasperated, “Well I do! If I am too mean though, he will just not toss to me during practice! That’s a risk I am not willing to take. Unleeeeeeesssssss.” He perked up and eyed me.

Oh no. No. Not a chance. Tossing for Hinata, frequently? I don’t mind every once in a while, but enough to make up for practice with Kageyama? “Shoyo, you know you won’t learn much from me. Your practice with Kageyama is needed to fine tune your quick. I’m not Kageyama, so practicing with me is a bit counter productive.” I said with a frown. At least I worded it well so he couldn’t see how much I would absolutely hate it.

Hinata sighed and keeled over, “You’re right! Even if I can learn some things from you, it won’t be any help with Bakageyama! Damn him!”

I stopped and looked over at the wasted Hinata sprawled out on the ground. Why is he so dramatic? You can tell it’s not like, on purpose. He isn’t annoying like Oikawa. Maybe Shoyo is just more emphatic? Yeah, that’s it. “Get up.. The ground is dirty.” I said and held out my hand for him.

He smiled almost instantly and took it. Even though Shoyo was small, I wasn’t exactly great at helping him up. Maybe I am a little weak. Who cares? I didn’t expect Hinata to just keep holding my hand though. He dragged me along, as if he knew where he was going. It was cute, but I had to at least stop him. I didn’t want to get lost either, “Shoyo. Where are you taking us? We’re going to get lost.”

That definitely caught him off guard. I could tell he was in some sort of happy daze, “OH! Um.. Well… I wasn’t paying attention.” He giggled and rubbed the back of his hair nervously. That was cute.

“Hmm.. I see. Well, we have to go this way.” I said as if nothing was wrong and just led us the proper way. I didn’t let go of his hand, and he didn’t let go of mine. Well, we stopped when we got to my house. Maybe that would be a weird first meeting with my parents.

Once introductions were out of the way, I showed Hinata the way to my room. It’s not much, a little messy here and there, but somehow Shoyo seemed impressed? I gave him an odd look, but no questions were needed, as he spoke right away, “UWAAAH! So this is Kozume’s room! I expected it to be different. More posters maybe? And messy.”

Rude. I am not some goblin. Maybe I am a little bit like a goblin, but a decently organized one. “Oh? And what about _your_ room?” I raised an eyebrow with my question. That seemed to catch him.

He smiled sheepishly, “Sometimes it’s clean.. Sometimes it’s dirty. Mostly clean… Sometimes.” He set his bag down and threw himself back onto my bed, but looked up right afterwards, “Wait! Is this okay?”

I couldn’t help but give him an amused look, “No Shoyo. You aren’t allowed on my bed. You’re some dirty puppy that I took in for the night and I just can’t trust you like that.” I crawled on the bed and laid next to him, “You’ll sleep on a towel on the floor.”

Funny enough, he looked shocked. Could he not hear the sarcasm? I think he instead decided to assume I was joking. “Hey that’s not funny! I am not a puppy either! And I am not dirty. If anything I would be like… A cool big dog!” He said with a grin, shoving me playfully.

Shoyo was definitely NOT a big dog. He would definitely be a little dog with a big bark and maybe an annoying bite. “Hmmm…. Pomeranian. With how your hair sticks out, you would be a pom.” I said with no emotion whatsoever. He was definitely offended.

“I am so NOT a Pomeranian! Those are the little dogs right?! That’s not me! I am like a Husky!” He poked my face and pouted, obviously not happy with my choice.

I turned on my side and looked at him dead in the eye, “You are friendly and energetic. You have poofy wild hair that matches the color of a Pomeranian. You’re loyal and really cute, so to me, I think you look like one.”

Shoyo’s eyes went wide. What? Was it something I said? I didn’t say anything weird did I? Suddenly he blushed a deep red and furrowed his brow, “You think I’m cute?”

Oh.

**_Oh._ **


	3. Am I breathing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is a bottle of sunshine, you can't change my mind.

Now I was the one blushing. It wasn’t my intent to say it like that. _Did I mean it like that?_ Sure Shoyo had a cute bubbly personality, but was he cute in a romantic way? I looked over his face, finding a vulnerable expression as the question at hand still had not been answered. Big round eyes, fluffy wild hair, normally cheerful expression. I blushed a bit more, realizing that yeah, maybe Shoyo was cuter than I originally thought. “Yeah… You’re kind of cute.” I finally answered, my voice wavering. Could anyone blame me for being unsure? With everything that happened with Kuroo, I can’t expect things to end the same. 

“Oh…” Hinata bit his lip, eyes not moving away from mine. I could tell he had more he wanted to say. Whether he was holding back, or that he just didn’t have the words yet, I couldn’t figure it out. He appeared to be worried though. Normally Shoyo was so easy to read, but right now, my brain was fuzzy and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t seem to pinpoint how he felt.

“Shoyo…?” I whispered without realizing. He finally looked away, like I had snapped him out of a daze. I began to worry even more. What did I just do? This was a mistake. The same mistake. I’m an idiot! Why can’t I learn? It was bad enough with Kuroo, but I thought I was finally doing good! Uhhg.

The inner frustration must have shown, either in my face, or my body language. Something tipped Hinata off about how I was feeling, “Sorry I… I don’t think I have been called cute before… besides when I was little that is. This is a different kind of cute though… right?” He glanced over at me, brow still furrowed in confusion. 

I wasn’t off the hook yet. Years by Kuroo’s side taught me hiding and lying wasn’t the answer. That it hurt and that it would be so much easier to talk about it. With Shoyo, it was completely different. Different in the sense that I would most likely have to teach him how I felt. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s different. When you look at a cute girl, how do you feel?”

Hinata turned his head and looked up at the ceiling, “Uh… Well… I don’t know. I just feel that they are cute! Is there something else I should be feeling?”

This was going to be difficult. I asked, “Do you feel butterflies? Do you think maybe that you would like to get to know her? Maybe be her friend?”

“I guess? Why wouldn’t I want to be friends with her.” He asked back, clearly not getting it. 

“If she were sad, would you want to be there for her, and dry her tears? Hold her hand and be her rock during the hard times?” I was beating around the bush yes. More like assessing the situation, but maybe also really beating around the bush. 

“Well of course! I was there for Yachi during her trouble with her mom!” He looked at me and smiled. This struck a cord of jealousy in me. I am not trying to get him to confess to having feelings for Yachi. New plan. 

“So if you felt like you were close with someone, and they made you happy and feeling butterflies, wouldn’t you think they were cute in the romantic way?” I asked more directly, hoping this didn’t shift back towards his team manager. 

He stared at me for a moment before raising an eyebrow, “I don’t get it… Are you trying to say I feel that about Yachi? Or….?” 

This is hopeless. No more beating around the bush. I need to be so direct that I basically bash his skull in with the truth, “No Shoyo, I am talking about how I feel about _you._ ” Everything clicked then, I could almost literally see the light bulb.

“ _Oh…_ ” He said softly, his face starting to flush again. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and looked at the sheets. I didn’t want to try to rush him into saying anything. This wasn’t exactly a proposal for a relationship, just a confession of feelings. This has to be the first time Shoyo was confessed too, so it probably seemed like way more. 

I felt bad for making him worry like this. We were both quiet for so long it was suffocating. I parted my lips to speak. I was going to hopefully say something that would ease his anxiety, tell him it’s okay to not feel the same way, to just want to be friends, or to not want to be friends at all. However, I didn’t get the chance. Hinata’s eyes returned to me with a more determined expression, “Okay!” 

What. _What does that mean?_ _Shoyo._ I stared at him oddly, “What do you mean by okay?” That kind of comment just doesn’t make sense in this context. Does he mean okay, yes I look like a Pomeranian? Or okay, I have feelings for Yachi? Or okay, I understand how you feel? God damn it, stop being so confusing. I feel like I am playing with a puzzle. 

Hinata broke into a goofy grin upon realizing his mistake, “Oh right! Haha, I mean, okay I’ll try dating you.” Now I am even more confused. I cringed and hid my face under the pillow. I didn’t ask that Hinata! What are you doing? Uhg. I guess I am more flustered than anything. Did Shoyo like me that way? He poked my shoulder and nuzzled under the pillow with me, “Why’d you do that for?”

Okay first off, he is way too close. I feel like I can’t breath. Secondly, that was absolutely adorable and I think my heart stopped. Thirdly, he looks so genuinely concerned. God what am I going to do with him. I’m so overwhelmed. “Are you sure you feel that way about me? You shouldn’t say you are going to date just anybody. You have to date people you actually like!” I said in a rushed tone. Maybe I seemed mad, maybe I am a little. What if some stranger came up and confessed to Shoyo like this? Would he just blindly agree?

“You aren’t just anybody! You’re Kozume, right?” He smiled so brightly. Shoyo is basically sunshine, and you can’t change my mind.


	4. It's so worth it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end!

I scooted closer to him, so our noses were touching and returned the happy smile, “I may be Kozume, but you’re  _clueless._  I’ll date you only if you promise this what you want, that it’s not for my sake.”

Hinata blushed faintly, “It’s what I want! Jeesh Kozume! I am not that dumb. I am doing this… cause… well.. You’re fun to be around, and I like trying to make you smile, and holding your hand earlier was fun! Isn’t that what a relationship is?” He seemed so sure about his feelings, but not so sure about his words.

My gaze softened while looking at him.  _Shoyo you’re going to kill me._  I’m going to have a heart attack right now. “That’s not all it is. Being there for your partner when they are sad, learning and growing with them, doing dumb romantic things with them. It’s a lot more than you may realize. I haven’t dated anyone either but…” I had a good idea from the romance portions of my video games, “Are you sure you want that kind of stuff?  _With me?”_

He hesitated. I don’t blame him, but I can’t say it didn’t strike fear into me. The good thing about Shoyo was that he truly was loyal, and when something was set in his brain, he didn’t change his mind so easily. “I’m sure!” He said quickly after.

Was this heaven? No. It wasn’t. This was real life, things could go wrong, he could change his mind, but for right now, Shoyo was my boyfriend. I had spent so much time trying not to be in love, and trying to hide my feelings, that I didn’t… know… what to do next. Like people kiss and stuff but isn’t it extremely early for that? In video games you romance someone by buying them a gift normally, but Hinata already liked me so that was out the window.

What do we do? We could stay underneath this pillow all day? That’s weird though. Do we just act normally? What makes a couple a couple? We don’t go to the same school so we can’t each lunch together, or hold hands in the halls. I guess maybe we should go on dates? Not today though, it was too emotionally exhausting and I would rather die than face a crowd. I sat up and lifted the pillow, looking at Hinata who stared innocently up at me, “So… Do you want to play a game?”

“YEAH!” his expression changed in the blink of an eye. How did he have all this energy all the time? I would tell him to give me some, but I don’t really want it. He got up and started hopping around the room, “WHAT ARE WE GONNA PLAY?!”

I smiled a bit and got up too, crouching in front of my tv stand and looking through the games. Mario Kart was easy enough. I picked the case from my selection and held it up so Hinata could see. He nodded furiously with approval and then sat down against my bed. Once I was done setting up my console, I sat next to him. Actually, more against him than next to him.

Shoyo leaned against me as we went through the characters. He had the hardest time choosing a character. He ended up choosing Mario because, “He’s the hero right?” I chose Peach. I wanted to be his princess, but show him I could kick his ass. That’s how things work right? This is how you assert your dominance in relationship. You kick your boyfriends ass in Mario Kart.

By the end of the game, I lost count of how many times Hinata fell off the tracks. Rainbow road alone had to be a world record of times fallen. It was so funny that I drove off once from laughing so hard. Hinata was a big ball of pout at the end but I couldn’t stop smiling. Maybe I was too harsh.

I leaned all my weight against him, “You couldn’t possibly be upset because you lost at a game, could you?”

He looked up at me with a twisted face, “It was just so funny,  _wasn’t it?”_

I laughed again, “It was. I don’t think I have laughed so hard in my life. You deserve a trophy. What can I do to repay you for your hard work?”

That made him perk up, I knew it would. He was definitely thinking hard about this though, I was starting to get  _more_  than a little worried. Was he going to ask for like, 3 bags of meat buns? I could afford it but not all the time. I might have to start letting him win a bit. “Can we cuddle..?” He mumbled out the question.

I was surprised that he didn’t think that we were cuddling now, and that he really thought he had to ask. This would be comfier on the bed. I stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with me. It was a bit of a clumsy movement, causing Shoyo to faceplant into my chest. I would be okay if he just stayed like that. I even bribed him a bit by playing with his hair. “That’s really a hefty price, but I guess I can make an exception for my boyfriend….” I said softly to him.

I figured he would at least try to move to get more comfortable, but no, he just laid there like that. I can’t remember how long we were like that either. I remember the feeling of his breathing being really calming, and I remember him wrapping his arms around my stomach to hold me tighter. I can’t explain how great the feeling was.

Shoyo liked me, enough to try dating me. It was a relief, to have your feelings returned. It was a relief, to have someone squeeze you closer, not because you want them to, but because they wanted to all on their own. It was a relief to hear someone ask for your attention because they selfishly wanted it. This was the start of the happiest year of my life I think. Maybe there would be more happy years with Hinata with me.

It’s easy, isn’t it? Being in love, idolizing your crush, finding no fault. It’s hard, isn’t it? Unrequited love, keeping your secrets, hating yourself. Isn’t it worth it though? Once you find someone who makes your heart skip beats, who makes you feel safe and wanted, who returns all your feelings, all the pain of past heartbreaks seem like a distant memory and you can finally look towards the future. The future of me and Shoyo.


End file.
